But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. 5. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. ! Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. Me: Hello? U.S. Air Force Grounds Hundreds of Jets: Their Tails May Fall Off When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. 36. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. I was the tallest guy in line. 5. Caller: Sgt. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? There are many branches of the military. 30+ Best Military Jokes And Puns | Kidadl 35. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. Full Disclosure Here. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. Gary Toohard. 3. Ive been sandblasted.. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. 1. How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? (Hang up. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Thanks.. 11. Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. Thats Daddy. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. . 34. 1. Theres a post recall and he went to work. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? A military captain saying I was just thinking Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. You had tents?" You can see why: Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. We recommend our users to update the browser. Caller: Do you have his right number? 75+ Top Military Jokes for Every Branch | Thought Catalog I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. He had the same plane as yours. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. Bad altitude. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. He is the Founder and . Why were the Marines invented? After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. No, we dont, she said. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. Fish Food. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. You the eighth, the old Marine answered. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. Read more. "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . Do you want to hear about my plane?. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? He nodded. She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. 40. Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. 4. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. 3. 66. We were a tough group. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. 49. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. She also liked her scotch. Return to Humor Index. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. 'I could see the bones in my hands.' F-84 pilot tells the story of when How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. ! He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: Do not attempt to shave with fire. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. The Blonde Fighter Pilot You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead.